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​The Family

Dad, Mom and 

2 older deaf siblings

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Growing up I felt strong love amongst all of us and we did our best at communicating. Gestures, finger spelling and lip reading mostly.​ I think the deafness of both siblings made me incredibly aware of others' emotions, and energy, and maybe not paying

enough attention to my own.

"They can't hear, so I can't complain"

this energy was so deep, and I unknowingly placed it there myself

 

 

our Parents 

gave us an abundance of love but they  didn't always communicate great with each other or with us at times.

Coming from generations past that didn't talk about things. That's just the way it was... Until I got older, and I realized how much I had held in. No one's fault, just circumstance

but it needed to change.

 

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my Siblings

being older, they left the house when I was 8, 10. They both went off to college finding their lives with other young deaf adults. We wrote to each other, but I missed them...

"I wish we could just 'chat' and be closer"

no IG or cell phones OR computers then​

My sister backpacked across Europe, my brother did USA on his motorcycle. They both have done incredible things, traveled, explored, learned and fought for the lives they deserved. They have raised families and now their children, and grandchildren are living the fullest of lives because of them. With everyone being deaf, they have had a true source of communication. 

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​Steps in Healing some stuff

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Childhood

Circa 1970's - no bike helmets, cell phones, computers, no seatbelts, lots of dirt, creativity, games, gardening with Dad, baking with mom,

and this lingering voice...

"why can I hear the Christmas music, the radio, crickets, dogs barking, ocean waves, rain, parents laughing, yelling, and the t.v., when my siblings can't"

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High School

Played sports, did well in school, all good until one night at a friends' house, a parent came home drunk. Not much else needs to be said about this other than I felt lost, absolute confusion, mistrust, violation, and loss of control.  This episode led me down a path of eating disorder disasters... for quite a long time. 

​I still didn't know how to communicate 

"My life was fine,I could hear".

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College

I didn't learn American Sign Language until I was in college myself. I eventually roomed with 2 deaf girls and  became  immersed & engulfed in the language and culture. Wow. I had no idea what my siblings life was like, I still don't, but it gave me a glimpse and I am still learning. That year of college changed all of our lives.

We finally had COMMUNICATION

 Step 1 of healing some stuff.

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What started out as an ASL Interpreting major, ended up as an Exercise Science degree. Switching majors I learned all about the body, its mechanics, nutrition and more. 

I started lifting weights religiously,

running miles everywhere & swimming, even taught my first Step Class.

hmmm...

This was my body releasing and healing those stuck energies. Connecting and creating some healthier pathways to deal the eating disorders

Step 2 of healing some stuff ​

and this is when love struck

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Marriage and the Turning Point​​

We both completed college, 

built a business together, got married, had kids, and what I thought would be FOREVER, just wasn't. I married into and helped create a life that was beautiful in so many, many ways.

Blessed with children, memories, experiences of good, bad, heartbreaking, unforgettable. We had 25 years. 

As blessed as it was, it wasn't healthy, and eventually, it didn't work.

​I kept pushing myself to stay, for the "family unit", for the kids and I wanted it to work. 

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Bad and no communication,

unkind, unhealthy situations and experiences caused by both sides.

STRESS

Stomach issues led to no dairy no  Gluten, skin rashes, passing out in the middle of the night led to neurology exams, heart monitors, ER trips... time and time again only to find nothing wrong, sick for days in bed forced me to ask for help-which of course I didn't want, anxiety so high I blacked out at the gym and then, Thyroid Cancer. 

 

my BODY was

SHUTTING DOWN.

it was TALKING TO ME

and I WASN'T LISTENING 

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"Okay"... it said,

as it kept pushing me to

pay attention

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​THIS is when I BROKE.

I didn't care about anything anymore,

Except my kids

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Boxing

I found courage for something NEW to shift myself out of constant fight or flight, and tried not to feel guilty about it. A treasured friend suggested boxing. Athletics was familiar, helped with anxiety​

so at age 43

I LEARNED how to Box 

THIS is where I CHANGED.

Holy confidence builder,

physically and mindset shifts

Step 3 of healing some stuff.

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ALS, Separation, Reiki

New knowledge that dad had ALS, couples therapy, separation, divorce looming,

a gifted Reiki Session. 

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 the Reiki person explained the process. energy center, chakra, what? I had never experienced anything like this. The warmth from her hands made my body feel trance-like and PEACEFUL.  Tears flowed but I wasn't crying. Here again, I felt the shifts.​​​​​

I started RECEIVING Reiki, often

THIS is when I SPOKE,

and had to be heard

but this is also where our family was forced to grow in new ways

Step 4 of healing some stuff.

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Death, Sickness, Coping and Healing

  I helped Mom care for Dad during  separation and divorce. Within 18 months he left us to be free of pain. Broken again, but no time to process with everything else happening.​

I TAUGHT Boxing

helping others, helped me 

Step 5 of healing some stuff.​​

 

​​Mom sickness came hard and fast. It was one year to the day that Dad passed. She was diagnosed and still copes with COPD. Although she wasn't in need of too much help then, I tried to be there weekly for her.

I LEARNED Reiki 

helping others, helped me

Step 6 of healing some stuff.

 

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My kids had their struggles too,

and we did our best to work through them together, and alone as each coped in different ways. Their stories are not mine to tell but it was heavy, mountainous, exhaustive and healing. Many days I didn't think I could "do this", somehow I did, we did.  They are incredibly resourceful, strong human beings, with compassion and thoughtfulness I continuously experience. They have taught me so much. I could not be any luckier to have them, and their beautiful significant others, in my life.

we listened, had unconditional love,

 and communication   

I started GIVING Reiki

Healing​

 

 

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There is so much more to tell, even beyond this length of storytelling.  

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I always find this part of making a website the hardest. What does anyone really want to know. So, this time around, I dove in a little more. Not just to connect with you all, but for healing myself too, and it did just that. 

 

If you mustered through this journey of mine and want to share yours, reach out any time, I'd love to hear.

and thank you again for coming!​​​​​​​​​​​

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